Control disguised as care: study warns of patterns in student relationships

What makes a relationship healthy? Students in Ireland largely agree on the answer – but in everyday life it is often missing. That is the finding of the “Feel Seen” study presented by Technological University Dublin (TU Dublin) together with other institutions; local outlet Dublin People reported on it on 13 October. Research firm CORE Research anonymously surveyed 330 students at twelve institutions between February and March 2026, and in April 25 of them took part in an online research community. The work was funded by a fund of Ireland's Higher Education Authority (HEA) against sexual violence and harassment and by Cuan, the state agency for domestic, sexual and gender-based violence.

95 percent of respondents said feeling emotionally safe in a relationship was essential or very important; 96 percent considered being able to say no without guilt, pressure or fear equally important. Yet this is often lacking: 55 percent said being able to say no without pressure or guilt was most often missing or hardest to find in practice, and 42 percent said the same about being respected when disagreeing. At the same time, much was seen as normal that can be read as control: 71 percent considered it normal for a partner to expect an immediate reply, 64 percent sharing live location and 58 percent checking who a partner follows or likes online. “We normalize it as a sign of how much they care, rather than a lack of respect for our autonomy,” the report quotes one student as saying.

The researchers see less an awareness problem than a “translation challenge”: harmful behaviour often looks like concern, affection or humour, and those affected sense control before they have the words for it. When students witnessed unwanted comments or touching in group settings, staying quiet was the most common response (43 percent); only 9 percent named direct public challenge. With 330 respondents the sample is small, and the reports do not say whether it is representative. Based on the results, a social media campaign has started, with a national campaign to follow. On Newstalk radio, psychotherapist Stephanie Regan discussed the study on 14 October.